It was circa 2 pm on Sunday afternoon and I was sitting somewhere on the Grandview Trail outside of Bryce Canyon in the middle of central Utah. Mile 130 of the Dixie 200 (or 176 this year because of the snow). My bike was wedged in one pile of deadfall behind me and I was staring at an even bigger pile of deadfall in front of me. Now, I'm not talking about a log across the trail, I'm talking piles of logs taller that an elephant, wider than a school bus, and longer than a blue whale. I stared angrily at my predicament and told the dead trees exactly what I thought of them, a string of accusations and names that are probably not appropriate to be repeated in a public forum.
(Two hours in and feeling fine)
I pulled out a Pearsons Salted Nut Roll and pouted. This isn't what I signed up for. I didn't sign up for 40 miles of hiking my bike over deadfall. I didn't sign up for carrying, dragging, and lifting my bike over trees for the entire night trying to get to the only reliable water source in the area before the sun got too high in the sky. Then why did those stooopid helicopters have to fly over 45 minute after I laid down to sleep, essentially ending my 3 hours of planned sleeping time 2 hours early. Whyohwhy didn't I stop to ask those ATV'ers I saw 2 hours ago how to get the heck out of this place?
I chewed my candy bar and took my rationed two sips of water. Next road I hit, I'm done. I don't care where the road takes me to, I'm getting off this plateau, I'm getting off this trail. This is reeeetaaaarded. Maybe I should just leave my bike here, I can set a waypoint on the GPS and I'll come back and get it when the Forest Service clears the trail. 20 miles in 20 hours. Really?
(Trail. Classic DH and LW singletrack)
I finished my treat, contemplated eating another but knew better, stood up and assessed the most recent scratches to my arms and legs. Shallow but painful. I went over to my bike which had spent more time perched on piles of trees in the past 18 hours than on the ground, pulled it out of the branches, rolled it over to the next pile of trees, took a deep breath and hoisted it up again.
(Sunset. Mile 95, I was about to hit deadfall-central. Little did I know what was in store for me that night)
I hit the next section of road and saw car tire tracks on it. That meant that if I followed it, it would take me back to some semblance of civilization eventually without any any trees in the way. I followed it along the GPS track until the next dreaded sign. Grandview Trail. You're not going to quit, Eszter. You might as well get over it, quit being negative, and enjoy the view. The only reason you have to quit is because you're miserable, and really, that's never been a good enough reason to quit before. You have food. You have water. You're not really time crunched yet to get back to camp. And as long as you keep moving, you're going to get to where you're going (which in my case was a cooler full of food a mere 30 miles away).
(Sunrise. I contemplated skipping sleep altogether, but one of the goals of the ride was to test out my sleeping gear so I napped on a flat section of dry stream bed until some scenic tour helis woke me up)
10 hour later, I dumped out at the Thunder Mountain Trailhead. 11:12 pm on Sunday. 39 hours and 5 minutes after I'd rolled out with four other brave souls. I'd ridden the first 100 miles in 11 hours. I'd hiked through the night till I reached water at 6:30 in the morning. I'd slept for 45 minutes and continued hiking. I covered the last 20 miles (with only one downed tree) in around 3 hours. It was an unceremonious finish. I didn't even stop but continued the half mile up the road to the car where I sat on the ground eating left over pad thai chicken and sweet potatoes admiring the stars before taking the car across the highway to the campground, plunking my sleeping pad and -20 degree bag down and finding that it was far too beautiful out to go to sleep right away.
(A clear section of trail. Novel idea.)
What was I expecting? 176 miles similar to the first 100. Dirt roads, single track, cow paths. What did I get? An adventure. A big adventure that tested my mental composure to a higher degree than any other event I've ever participated in. Holding it together took more effort than continuing past Highway 50 in the pouring rain during CTR last year, more effort than ignoring my screaming body on the last lap of 24-hour Worlds last October knowing that the next girl was a mere two minutes behind me leaving the pits, more positive self-talk than it took to drop everything in Boulder and believe we could make a life for ourselves here in CeeBee.
But I guess in the end, this is why I sign up for things like this. I know, given that I planned far enough ahead that I have enough food and water, and barring injury, I can pedal 176 miles. I can pedal through the the night and into the next day. It's now become a question of how gracefully I can do it.
(Final 6 miles down Thunder Mountain which we'd ridden during our spring road trip. Hoodoos by headlamp are spooky)
Was this weekend executed gracefully? I'd like to think, that aside from the string of curses that I unleashed towards a handful of piles of unsuspecting trees, I finished the route with as much grace as could be expected. And when I failed to meet all but one of my goals for the ride ( 1) Finish 2) test out CTR sleeping system 3) Smile lots (I think I was on the verge of tears more often than I was smiling for miles 100-140)) at least I faced the challenges with a certain amount of poise.
(On top of Powell Point where DH was waiting with apples, which aren't edible with still slightly broken teeth. Doh!)
And that I can be happy with.